Writers know each word, each grouping, each punctuation choice, affects our story. We lead a reader: not like a parent holding a child’s hand, but as an adult leading a sightseeing tour group. Our words inspire, influence, turn off, turn against, pass over, highlight, while leaving room for interpretation. Our words affect others, they either open a door, or close it.
In an ongoing conversation with my husband, I told the same story to both of us, using the same words, the same structure, the same background information. I rely on my instincts and my instincts told me the path I was trying to lead us down was a good path, a path that cold enrich our lives. What I lost sight of was that I was relying on only emotions to both view why I was suggesting this path and in the telling of my story to him. I forgot to use some of my writers’ tools.
Yesterday, my mind tired of repeating the same old story; his mind tired of the repeated words. It clicked — my mind — I mean. I cannot take credit for conscious problem solving, only for recognizing it once it flashed. We were looking (under my direction) at the issues simply from an emotional view. We failed to see that it was, although a personal issue as well, a business issue, not as in an actual business, but as an issue in the business end of marriage, of life. The part of a marriage that is wrapped around money and living conditions and jobs and future.
Now, my reaction to this revelation was emotional! Pure excitement: I had found the key to move forward in the discussions. It was also frustration: I had not recognized it sooner, months sooner. So, I ReVisited, not so much our values, but how I was presented the plan. I realized to attain those emotional fed dreams, we needed to step beyond the emotions and view our decisions as we would a business decision, the cold hard practical side: to understand our decision to buy this house was correct at the time, that we were not failing by wanting to leave, but succeeding at recognizing a new opportunity. And to Leon’s credit, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, his emotional side started to ease back, too, and he was more able to view our former decision and the ones we need to make (by choice) from the practical side of his mind.
We had already ReVisited our emotions, we both knew where we wanted those decisions to lead (and agreed, go figure), but we got lost in old baggage, old emotional baggage. We opened the trunk and tossed most of the contents out. A few pieces stuck inside, but not so many that we couldn’t fit in our new thoughts.
It is hard to not finish a project the way it was envisioned and not see it as failure, even though, what it really is, is that we have discovered that we want something more, a different something. It is hard, to readjust the old emotional reactions, but not impossible.
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