So, planning and drinking don’t mix. Neither does insanity and writing, perhaps. This morning, Leon had an early appointment and I grabbed my laptop and crawled back in bed.
What follows, though long, is a quick read; punctuation is horrid, so do not use it as an example. It started as an email response to a friend. She is an event planner for a major corporation and was telling me about timelines used in planning, down to who is going to toast whom at what time. I had seen similar used on the wedding planner television shows.
I love detail, but time management and I are arch enemies as I am so easily distracted – except when Muse has taken over. My friend knows this all about me. So, I decided, in jest, to show her I could think of the details needed to serve tequila to Leon and plan out the time and cost factors. Well, I got into the moment… Oh yeah. Just like with the majority of my poetry and short fiction I have posted on MeeAugraphie, words just poured out without preplanning. Muse took over. I don’t know that I want to claim these words, though I must. (There is a ring of truth to some of them, not that I’m going to admit it to you.) So, for a change of pace:
So, let’s see. I have to figure out how long it takes to take four steps to the refrigerator from the dining area, get out the tequila, grab a lime, rinse it off, cut a tiny wedge out of it, wait, how many wedges can I get per lime? Add that to list of to dos so I know how many to buy, and then research how many shots of tequila I can get out of a bottle (hmmm research myself, or just call a former bartender and chat it up some or try googling?) Then there is salt, I suppose I need to figure out far salt stretches or sally up with a purchasing manager at a bar or restaurant to see how much salt they allow. Good, I got this now. So, then, I need to rent special shot glasses, (How am I doing so far?) Oh, back to the original planning I was doing, so now I’ve counted the steps, know I need to rinse and cut the lime, grab the salt from the cupboard, put some on a plate, (don’t want to double dip in the container), grab a tray, get two shot glasses out of the cabinet, wait, now the tequila has gone warm, need to put it back in the freezer a minute, (note, next time get it out last – but better build in time in case I forget next time – or my assistant doesn’t know any better)… There, two steps to and two back from refrigerator with tequila in hand… pour into shot glasses, lime wedges were put on rim of glass while tequila was re-chilling. Pour salt on another dish, oops, should have wet the edge of the shot glasses and put salt on them. Well, down those two, rinse glass, dry, wet edge, drown in salt, add lime wedge, pour tequila, squat down to be sure both are exactly the same, don’t want anyone complaining they were stiffed. Wait, no snacks, grab nuts throw on plate, toss some kind of spice on them to make it look like they are special, grab two napkins, no, not those giant dinner napkins, oh no, no napkins, now what? Wait, doesn’t some fancy restaurant use wash cloths as napkins? Surely I have some somewhere… oh no, this planning is a disaster… the tequila is going to be too warm, what can I use? Wait, I have those jagged edge scissors and I left them out when I was crafting, run to the other room, grab them, thank goodness we bought plain white paper towels and not those ones with the dumb designs on them, quick cut some weird shape out of one. Wait, I need to do two at once so they are the same, but I forgot, now what? I know, just do them both totally different, hmmmm, what shape should they be to be so different? I can’t cut cool designs. Hmmmm.. hmmmm. Nothing is coming to me. I know, I’ll just put this one beneath the nuts. Now, let me grab two more and cut them together so they match, no more thinking hard that way. Oh no, look at the condensation on the shot glasses! Can’t serve those, let me just redo them. Waste it? No, better not, need to justify the cost. Down those two, rinse, dry, wet the rim, add salt, add lime wedge, pour in tequila (Hey, I got this now!), add back to tray. PIck up tray walk four steps back to dining room. Gone. Where is he? Put tray down walk the ten steps to the living room recesses. Not there. Walk the ten steps back to dining room. Not there. Walk the ten steps back to the other room, notice bathroom door closed. I don’t remember closing it. Not in the other room. Why am I laughing hysterically? It is not funny that he is lost. The tequila is causing the shot glasses to condensate again, I’m sure it is. He’s ruining my surprise. I mean I never remember to finish the tea, so I thought serving him tequila on a fancy tray would be fun… maybe lead to conversation, gain points, who knows. Where is he? Why is he not here when I’m trying so hard to be nice? Tears start. I hear his voice from somewhere.
“Is that tea ready yet?”
I answer instinctively, “oops.” Then try to calculate where the voice is coming from. Remember the condensation. Must get to the dining area and retrieve those shot glasses, can’t serve them warm and dripping with condensation. Head the ten steps back to the tequila. (Wait, can’t write it that way in the planning log, must say dining area, that way plan can easily be adapted to other romantic, I mean, events.) Walk by the bathroom door again. I don’t remember closing it. I like to leave it open since the vent fan does not work well, must let the moisture from the earlier shower mix with the dry air so it gets sucked into the air conditioner. Moisture, wait. condensation. Must redo those shots, ’cause he is here somewhere. Must be perfect. Grab the bathroom door handle shove the door open, remembering it shouldn’t be closed. Wait, didn’t I just think that a minute ago. Loud voice assaults me, using words I don’t like.
“You too,” I yell back and slam the door as I recoil in something akin to horror or was that just grossness or was it just embarrassment. Not sure. Walk the remaining steps to the dining area, tears flowing now. This was not supposed to be so hard. Oh look at that condensation. it has wet the napkins I so carefully cut from the paper towels. Grab the shot glasses, down one. Try to down the other, don’t feel so good, my legs don’t want me to stand up. Huh? See the soggy paper towels, look how ugly they are all wet like that, no, don’t let your mind go there, you will be sick. But… No, don’t let it go there. Reach for other shot glass again. Wait, look at the little river running down the side, wait, there is another one. Wow, two rivers are about to merge into one. Just like those rivers in WA near the house. but they run horizontally, oh, I like that word, Hor eh zahn tah lee… hor eh zahn tah lee. Laugher ensues. Screech ensues.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Don’t do that again. Look at the hor eh zahn tah lee rivers on this glass. No, I mean vertical. They are so cool. Did you know rivers can merge when vertical?”
“How many shots have you had?”
“Shots? I don’t need any shots. I’m not allergic to anything horrible like you are. I didn’t cut myself. Why would I have a shot? And why did you ruin my surprise? Oh… I don’t feel good.”
Note: Tears turned into sobs here. But I don’t know how to write the words that come out. That requires eye hand ear coordination. Besides, that was last night. Maybe he can fill in the blanks. This planning stuff is too hard for me. I’m adding it to his list of jobs.
So, I suppose you could use this as an example of why not to drink? Remember, it was fiction.
Have a great day, y’all. And stop by This Eclectic Life and check out Only the Good Friday, I got lost in something yesterday and forgot it was Friday, again. And she has written a post about Aunt Cleo, Courage, and the Four F’s… Worth reading, trust me. (This is me speaking, not the playful Muse.)
My good yesterday: had a wonderful day, as in, I spoke with other people having wonderful days, laughed a bit, and got lost a while in work, the kind I like, and felt the cool wind blowing the blinds. A day of smiles. Did you find good in your day, if only in hindsight?
Tweet This Post